What girls need to know

How to tell when a guy is lying

admin — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 23:45:44 +0000

So here is the big question that I get asked all the time. How can you tell if your man is lying to you? It is easy, his lips move. A man will lie to you at any opportunity. Not just to simple questions like, "do I look fat in this?" We expect him to lie about that. In fact, we would probably break up with him if he didn’t.

But men lie because they have to. Men can’t be themselves around us or tell us what they are really thinking because we would be shocked and horrified. They think about sex all the time. They think about having sex with you and with just about every other woman they meet. It may not be a long thought, most often a brief passing one but it will be there, every time.

If we really knew men, then we would know that marriage and partnership is an extremely unnatural state for them. Men are driven to wander. The reason they don’t is because they want families and stability or they think they are at the right point in their lives. They stay with us because they feel it is the best they can do. Whether that is for now or forever, is up to them. Not us.

Believe it or not. There is nothing more natural in this world then a bachelor. They chase women half their age, they drink too much, work out all the time and live in a world completely of their own choosing. They do what they want, when they want it.

So men have to lie to hide this fact. They look into our eyes and tell us that they love us but what they are really thinking, is will she sleep with me? They think that if I tell her that I love her, she will sleep with me. They may love us or they may not but the truth is they are still thinking: “will she sleep with me”. Men really aren’t that complicated.

Faceboook Faux Pas

admin — Tue, 04 May 2010 10:11:28 +0000

My friend just found out her ex had started dating someone else by facebook. They broke up and he changed his status to single then a week later had changed his status to in a relationship with someone else. Now I am not a person who is easily fooled by men’s tricks but it seems to me that a man is usally reluctant to declare he is in a relationship on facebook because it tends to discourage other women who might show interest in him.

I wonder now if he had been seeing her before my friend and him had broken up. Yep I am sure of it. Usally when a guy breaks up he starts dating the closest available woman who is most likely to sleep with him right away but they usually will not sign on to a new relationship unless he is already half way there.

I am not sure why we women have interest in seeing a man who has a girlfriend or a wife but we do it all the time. I think it might be a desire to have that feeling with him that he has with the declared girlfriend. But of course it always turns out that you do. IF he does leave his wife/girlfriend he will most likely do the same to you if you get to girlfriend status. However, you probably won’t. he is only seeing you to feel secure getting out of his realatioinshp to something with you that seems easier, which is because you are only experiencing a partial relationship.

It is always a bad deal and he will not really want to commit to you.

Men who are living their old relationship through the new one

admin — Mon, 03 May 2010 12:58:19 +0000

I know this guy who has really never left his old relationship. He and his wife broke up because of differences. Now in his new relationship he is continuning the old realtionshp into the new one. The signs are unmistakable. Everything he does with her, the places he takes her, the way that have sex, the vacations they go on are an extension of the old relationship.

He is going back to what is familiar. In that it is not that surprising. He dated a dominerring woman and now he takes the dominate role and only seeks passive women who will do anything he says. It is like he is rewriting the script in the role of the dominate one.

As long as he is doing this he will never really fall in love with the new woman. He is actually still in love with the old one. He is cheating the new one out of a fulfilling relationship with him. He is cheating himself out of an opportunity to grow and thrive in a healthy supportive relationsip.

What ever you do, do not be the second girl. If he is not really over his ex and he is doing things that he did with her, if he talks about her as if she is the spawn of satan, then he is not ready to move on and he is just using you as a place holder unitl something better comes along.

The damsel in distress game

admin — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 10:04:30 +0000

It is an old game to get a guy: the damsel in distress. It is very straight forward and it almost always works for a time to bond the guy to you in the begining of the relationship. He has to be the type of guy who is warm and supportive and lets face it a little guillible.

You start by creating some type of drama. Some women go overboard here. A small drama is like loosing your job under very unfair situation, must be not your fault. Perhapse faining that you are the victtim of harrassment or a boss that takes credit for your work. I have seen some women go overboard and fake attacks and real damage. This is always a bad idea because others around him might realize the scam a tell him.

The game is best played in the first few weeks of a relationship when or if you feel the guy is wavering in his attatchment to you. The wounded bird will change that. He will bond to you as if you are his to protect. He becomes the knight in shiningy ardor and you become the helpless princess in need of saving.

First you start by not wanting to talk about the problem. Get him to get it out of you slowly. If you are too eager you will waste all the good will and he will want to "solve" the problem. He might help you move whatever will resolve the issue.

You have to tell him that you don’t want to spend time alone. He will come to your aide by letting you stay with him. He will want to confort you. He will get you things to cheer you up and take you to nice dinners to make you feel better.

The plan can backfire if the guy feels you are too damaged so be careful not to overplay your hand. You foster a false sense of closeness with him and "work" through the imaginary problem togther.

Another caviat is not to make it too hard to get over. If it takes too long to start moving forward he will feel stuck with a "broken" girl. What he does has to make you feel better. Each dinner out or backrub, should be a gift that slowly rebuilds you..

This game almost always works. Be careful not to overplay your hand.

Remember, it is always best to be straightforward with your guy but I have seen this work with amazing effect.

It is hard just to date

admin — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 16:32:55 +0000

For most some women it is impossible to just date. Which is a shame because they are missing out on a great deal of fun. Guys have this down to a science. 95% of all the dating that men do is just dating. Men are not girlfriend hunting, they generally get into relationships despite their best efforts not because they want them.

I would say 5% of girls just date and it is usually guys who you didn’t really care about in the first place. Guys like these are the disposables, the throwaways. the nice guys. And it is a shame because most of these guys are really good in the sack. They spend money on you and will be very cunning linguists.

Here is your homework for the week. Go out with anyone who asks, don’t think about the date for days before or obsess over your outfit. Roll up in any old thing you can. In fact it is better to meet him straight after work for a 5:00 thurdsay drink at happy hour.

Meet him, have fun and then leave saying somethign non committal like,"Let’s do this again, sometime" and book out of there. Try to book three dates a week. Some can be repeating. Until you see one that is worth seeing more.

Amy the LionHearted

admin — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 10:04:04 +0000

I have a friend, named Amy who always looks out for herself. I can’t say that I always do that. Secretly, I see Amy as Elisabeth Bennet, in Pride and Prejudice set upon by the world and always meeting it with a smile. Only Amy never smiles her way through things she growls! If she and I were faced with the same situation she would fight and attack where I would worry about people’s feelings and making enemies and in the end probably just negotiate a fair solution.

Amy would negotiate so she had the lion’s share.

I have seen her time and time again in the 10 years now that I have known her that she always comes out on top, despite some horrible circumstances that came her way. Some very public issues, that could have ended a lesser person or through her into a social coma, or drive her back to her mother’s house, didn’t.

She just hunkered down and kept doing what she loves to do. Working out like a fiend and networking for her next gig, staying positive and active.

She told me today that it looks like she is going to land on her feet once again. I am constantly amazed at how she manages to keep everything going. She never gives up on herself. She doesn’t care about what people think and she always looks out for herself.

The most important lesson I take from her, is look out for yourself first and always. Do not screw people over but make sure you are always first.

A story of a girl in trouble.

admin — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 16:30:36 +0000

At some point every woman has a close call with a pregnancy that is unexpected. My friend Stacy had one when she was 16. She had been dating Brad for 2 years and everyone though they were going to live happily ever after. But this is not a fairy tail and those sorts of things just don’t happen to girls these days. But at the time they were very happy and this was something that they couldn’t handle at that point in their lives. But there they were. Or there she was.

Brad was great about it, he went with her to get tested. There were protesters outside who tried to get her to drink orange juice so she would not be able to undergo the termination. It is an old trick. If you eat something before having sedation, then you run the risk of puking, an empty stomach is important.

She got tested. She was pregnant. She was scared.

She told her mother who took it like the pro-choice liberal that she was. She didn’t want anything to do with it but she supported Stacy’s right to make her own decisions. They didn’t tell her father as they feared that his liberal, pro-choice, pro-feminist self would slip away into a it would be replace with a gun toting papa with a shotgun. They were sure that if Stacy’s dad got a hold of Brad, he would go from a rooster to a hen in one shot. Well at least he wouldn’t be able to do it again.

She took Brad and me on the day of the termination to the clinic and again there were protesters there. Didn’t they work?

Stacy was taken in to the back and we were forced to wait outside. It was going to be a while at least an hour so we left to get something to eat. We really didn’t know what to do. It was awkward.

Until Brad hit on me. Then it was really awkward.

My best friend is going though the worst day of her life and this asshole is hitting on me? Boy did she pick a winner.

When we picked her up she just walked out crying. She didn’t stop for a whole day. She didn’t say anything either. She just wailed. I knew it wasn’t the cramping that was making her cry. She was screaming like you see women who have just lost their child in a bombing or horrible accident in Jerusalem or Iraq.

But after that she was ok. She and Brad broke up a few months later. She went to college, went to grad school, got married, and she never talked to me about it.

But now that I am a mom, I think about her and that time all the time. I wonder who that baby might have been. What would have happened if she could have had the baby and she could have put it in daycare at the high school. She could have continued with her schooling and everything would have probably been ok. I have never understood why we force young women to make horrible decisions that are financial and yes emotional.

If most people are pro choice. What would happen if we really gave women a choice. A choice to keep their babies with the full support of society. But I think we want to punish women, to scare them into not getting pregnant in the first place.

HOW TO DATE LIKE A MAN

admin — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 13:45:21 +0000

There is a certain point in men’s lives when marriage becomes a possibility. There is an age factor or money factor, or he meets a woman that is so good that he thought he could not do better. The reason will vary for each man but the plain fact remains that a man will not marry before he is ready. Period.

Before that time comes, he is dating without the purpose of marriage. He is just looking for good company at the dinner table and/or the bedroom, kitchen floor, backseat of the car, at the bathroom at the bar, wherever.

So how does a girl, who is pre programmed to search for the ONE man who is going to make her happy, how does she date someone who is pre programmed to not marry until his conditions are met?

A girl has to realize that the goals in dating are different. So her tactics have to be different. A girl must look for the signs of readiness: financial security, age that his friend are married, or a desperation on his part to be with you.

If a man is not showing these signs he is just shopping. Most of the dating in a girls life is a man just browsing. He is not looking to buy. He is just window shopping.

If a girl realizes this, she has power. She must learn to date like a man: Date for the purpose of hanging out with someone. Date him because you have fun with him. Date him because he is good in bed. If you know that there is nothing you can do to land that fish, you have a choice you can keep him around and keep looking or cut him loose and get your self a fish you can fry.

If you are dating like a man, then you don’t have to change him, or worry about his family likeing you or anything like that. You just have fun. But don’t stick around too long. You have to keep fishing to catch a bigger fish.

Men Don’t Change and they don’t want you to either

admin — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 16:55:53 +0000

Men don’t change.

Women are agents of change.

Men seek to conserve what they have.

Women seek to improve what they have.

A man-woman relationship is in constant tension between these two forces. Men find a woman and hope she stays the same, and is generally disappointed when they don’t. Women find men they can improve and are generally disappointed when they are only able to change their hair or clothes.

To minimize the tension between man and woman in relationships, here is the trick: don’t every try to change any personality traits in the man. It will never happen. Men’s personalities never get better with age then tend to stay the same and generally become less flexible over time. For example, a man who is giving in the begining will propbaly become generous to a fault as he ages. However, a man who is cold, unemotional or withdrawn will not become more so.

If a man is 40% not right for you and 60% right then it is just not right. You have to be happy with him about 85% of the time. And what you don’t like should be small things, like his choice of hair style or clothes. Everything else you have to live with no matter what happens.

Men, Husbands, and Marriage

admin — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 22:22:04 +0000

I want every girl who reads this to forget about looking for a husband. Stop. Just. Stop. You are not looking for a husband.

You are auditioning for the father of your child. Let me say that again. You are not looking for a husband, you are looking for a father for your child.

A man who is cold or distant will make a really horrible father. He will teach his son to stay distant from the people who would love, support him and make him more than he could be on his own. He will teach his daugher that she is not worthy of love, that she will never be good enough no matter what she does.

Choosing a husband is the most important thing in your children’s life. Choose well.